We’ve got exams next week.

Yesterday I was lying on my bed revising when suddenly Mum bursts in. I hate the way they do that. I’ve sellotaped signs all over my door saying ‘Keep out. Please Knock , No Entry,’ but they don’t take any notice do they! Anyway she comes in and she looks so terrible that I decide not to complain.

She walks over to the window and looks out ‘I can’t stand it..’ she says.

She says it in such a quiet voice that at first I think I must have misheard her.

‘What?’

‘I just can’t stand it any more…’She turns round and looks at me. She looks really sad.

I don’t know what to say.

I ‘ve got this big lump of fear in my throat.

I know they’ve not been getting on. They’ve been squabbling and shouting at each other for weeks, ever since Dad lost his job. I don’t know why they have to be so nasty to each other. It always ends up with Mum in tears and Dad stomping out and slamming the front door. They think we don’t know. They wait until Becky and I have gone to bed but we’ve got ears, we can hear.

Last night for instance was the worst one so far. One of them broke something in the kitchen. I heard Mum shrieking and then there was this enormous crash like she’d thrown a plate at the wall. It really upset Becky. She came running in and curled up next to me like a little mouse. I could feel her trembling. I stroked her hair and told her not to worry everything would be all right. I kept on saying it over and over again like a prayer. It must have done some good because eventually she stopped shaking and drifted off to sleep.

I saw the bits in the bin. It was the pottery bowl she bought back from Spain. Mum loved that bowl. It was blue and yellow with sunflowers all over it. She found it at the airport on the way home. She was so excited, as soon as we got back she got dad to bang in a hook and then she hung it on the wall. We thought she was daft. We wanted her to use it properly, to put fruit in it or something. But Mum said it was precious, too good to use. Now it's ruined for ever. Grownups don’t make any sense.

This morning, when she opened the curtains, she looked all red-eyed and puffy, as if she’d been crying all night. She wasn’t even trying to hide it like she usually does. Then while I was getting dressed she took hold of Becky in her arms and said ‘We’re leaving home sweetheart. We’re going away.’ I don’t think Becky understood. She thought it was another holiday. I knew what she meant.

I told her it wasn’t fair.

'I don’t want to move!

I’m in the Christmas concert and I’ve got a picture in the art competition.’

Mum says she’s sorry, but she’s not really. She’s not thinking about us. It’s bound to mean a different school and I hate changing schools. You don’t know anybody, you’ve got no friends, you don’t know the teachers’ names, you don’t know where the loos are. Its horrible.

When we get downstairs there’s no sign of dad. I can’t even hear him in the bathroom. I’m feeling so churned up I can hardly eat any breakfast. I think of all the good things about being here.

I like this house.

I love my room

My school.

The swing in the garden.

Somewhere else won’t be the same!

Mum sits down and then Becky starts asking questions.

‘Mu-um ? When are we going? Where are we going? Why? Why?'

‘We’re going today.’ she says, ‘right after school.’

‘It’s better for everyone. We’re going to stay with Aunty Judith and Michael for a while.’

I pull a face at this. Aunty Judith and Michael are her old college friends. They live near Harlow. Their house is like a museum, full of things you’re not allowed to touch. Mum spends the whole time shadowing Becky to stop her from opening drawers or twiddling the knobs on their stereo. Actually I don’t think they like children very much. Of course they don’t say anything because of Mum but I can tell. I don’t want to live there one little bit. I’m going to run away.

Mum takes me to school and Becky to her playgroup. I want to know about Dad. Why wasn’t he at breakfast? What’s going to happen to the house? She says she doesn’t know. She doesn’t want to talk about it now. She’ll explain later. But when it’s ‘later’ we’ll have gone. We’ll be in horrible Harlow and Ill never see my friends again. Or my Dad...Or anyone!

I’m feeling all choked up inside.

I don’t cry or anything, I just stop and say I’m not going to school.

That starts Becky off. She says she doesn’t want to go to playgroup either! Mum gets really angry and stamps her feet. She says we’ve got to go! She’s got things to sort out. She practically drags me through the playground. Then I notice Nerys and some of her friends looking at us in a funny sort of way. I feel embarrassed so I give in and then Mum goes off with Becky screaming her head off.

Nerys is very understanding. I explain to her what’s happening and she thinks it’s stupid too. Maybe I can stay at her house? I’d like that. Her parents are really nice. I get all excited for a while but then I remember Becky. Their house wouldn’t be big enough for two extra kids. Nerys says not to worry, she’ll talk to her mum after school. Then the bell rings and we have to go and listen to Mrs Williams talking about the concert. This makes me feel much worse because I realise that I won’t be there.

This is it.

My last day.

After school, Nerys invites me back for tea. Her mother sees I’m upset and Nerys tells her why and I wish I really could live with them because I bet they don’t have dramas and plate-smashings in their house. (Nerys says they do have rows but they always make up afterwards.) Anyway we’re listening to music in her room and I’ve nearly forgotten about Harlow and missing the concert and all that, when the phone rings.

It’s my mum.

I can hear Mrs Rees saying I’m fine and I’m upstairs with Nerys and then she says ‘Great. OK. Bye now.’

Any minute I’m expecting her to call upstairs and tell me I’ve got to go home straight away, but nothing happens.

So then I figure out that my mum’s on her way to get me and there’ll be this terrible scene with her shrieking about not letting her know where I was and all that. But that doesn’t happen either.

When we go down for tea Mrs Rees just mentions casually that my mum phoned and I say, ‘Oh…’ and that’s that.

After tea we go out to meet Martina and her brother in the park. We walk around a bit ,then we play Frisbee, then it gets to six o’clock and they all have to go back. . This is the bit I’m dreading. I say goodbye at the gate. I’m feeling really tearful because they’ve been so nice and I won’t ever see them again. I walk very very slowly, trying to put it off. I stop by the papershop and read all the ads for car boot sales and ‘free kittens to good homes’. But it’s no good. It’s getting dark now. The street lights have started to flicker on. I carry on down the road and through the gate.

It all looks so normal. The car’s still parked outside. My bike’s there, upside down with the puncture. It’ll never be mended now. I open the front door, expecting to see suitcases and bags in the hall, all packed up and ready to go.

There’s none of that.

Perhaps she’s gone already.

Without me…

I feel a bit sick inside.

Then I hear Becky and the hum of the TV in the front room.

I walk in.

Becky’s on the floor.

Mum’s on the sofa.

And there’s Dad, right next to her.

They’re just sitting there, grinning and holding hands.

Like a couple of silly kids!

* * *