When there were carts and horses, instead of cars.

And the only things that could fly were birds and bats

(And maybe one or two witches!)

And silly girls sat on logs

Kissing frogs

Just in case they were princes!

A very long time ago there lived a miller.

His wife had died leaving him to look after three sons. It was hard work looking after both the mill and his family but luckily the miller was so good at his job that people came from miles around to buy his fine flour. Everything was going well until one dark day the miller’s life was changed forever.

He was loading some sacks into a cart when a great fierce Ogre came stomping by. This Ogre was a fearsome sight. He had one enormous eye in the middle of his head. His legs were like great thick tree trunks and his hands were so large he could pick up a haystack without any trouble at all!

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" roared the Ogre.

He grabbed one of the miller’s sacks and started sniffing at it with his huge hairy nostrils.

" MMM! Good!" grunted the Ogre.

He dropped the sack of flour into one of his enormous pockets. "Give me more!"

Well the miller knew better than to argue with an Ogre so he gave him another sack to try. "More More!" roared the Ogre and then he stamped his feet so hard that the walls shook and all the apples fell off the trees. And so it went on, until the greedy Ogre’s pockets were filled to bursting. Only then did he stamp away, "But I’ll be back again!" he shouted.

Unfortunately for the miller and his family, the Ogre was true to his word. Every month the walls would quiver and the ground tremble as the Ogre came thundering down the valley to stuff his pockets with more of the miller’s precious flour.

From that day on the miller’s life became an absolute misery. He got thinner and thinner and poorer and poorer but he had to work harder and harder just to keep up with the Ogre’s demands.

Then one day the unhappy miller died and left all he had in the world to his three sons.

There was the mill.

There was the donkey and a cart.

And lastly and leastly, there was a cat

And a sack

And a ball of string!

Naturally the oldest son got the mill.

The second son got the donkey and the cart.

And the youngest was left with the cat and the sack and the string.

The eldest son was very pleased because he had always longed to be a miller like his father.

The second son was quite happy with his donkey and cart.

But the youngest son, Jack, was really fed up!

"What good is a mangy old cat?" he grumbled.

"Cats can’t do anything except purr and sleep!

Although I suppose if I got really hungry?

And the tail might make a sort of scarf...

And you could make a small pair of cat fur mittens...or maybe a..."

Just at that moment the miller’s son was interrupted by a loud "MIAOW!"

Startled, Jack leaped to his feet and turned round.

There was the cat, perched on a sack, swishing its tail angrily from side to side.

"Only joking Puss!" he said.

"I wouldn’t really make you into stew!"

The cat stopped swishing, and jumping off the sack he began rubbing itself against Jack’s legs.

Jack bent down and started stroking the cat.

Then he grinned mischievously

"Of course...lightly grilled with a bit of butter...?

YEEOWW!!" The cat had very sharp claws!

"Well I suppose I deserved that," admitted Jack.

"But what on earth am I going to do with you?

I can hardly afford to feed myself-let alone a cat!

I haven’t got a job.

I haven’t got a roof over my head...

It’s not fair Puss! All my life I’ve had the leftovers: the hard crusts, the broken biscuits, the shapeless smocks.

And now my big brother not only gets a job for life, he gets the stone house and productive vegetable garden complete with working water wheel!

And brother two, gets the carefully driven, one owner, hand-crafted cart complete with two spare wheels and a low-mileage donkey!

What does lucky old Jack get ?

A bag of gold ?

A fine suit of clothes ?

The fastest horse in six counties?

A goat?

A couple of free range hens?

A dozen eggs?

A lumpy mattress to lay his miserable head?

Oh No!

Lucky Jack gets an empty sack,

A long piece of string

And a totally useless cat!"

"MIAOW! MIAOW! MIAOW!" exclaimed the indignant cat.

"I am not totally useless!"

The miller’s son nearly fell off his stool in astonishment!

"But...But...But..."

The cat strolled over and sat down in front of him.

"But ..but... I can talk?" suggested the cat.

Jack nodded unable to believe his ears.

Casually the cat turned its head and licked its back before continuing.

"Talking, Hunting, Purring, Scratching, Singing, Dancing. You name it I can probably do it! I could change your life Jack.

But if you’re not going to be nice to me - I’m off!"

And so saying, the cat stood up, stuck its tail in the air and strutted towards the door.

"No! Don’t leave me!" begged Jack, "I will be nice!"

The cat stopped and after carefully examining one of his paws he returned to Jack.

"Promise?"

Jack nodded.

"How nice?" inquired the clever cat.

"Cream off the top of the milk ‘nice’ ?

"No more talk of stews and mittens ‘nice’?

Jack shook his head vigorously.

The cat sniffed.

"Well...we’ll see how it goes shall we ?"

Jack smiled in agreement.

"Right then," continued the cat, pointing an accusing paw in Jack’s direction.

"First lesson. Make the most of what you’ve got.

Stop complaining and Think positive!"

"But I haven’t got Anything!" protested Jack.

"Oh yes you have!" insisted the cat.

"No I haven’t."

"Yes you HAVE! " repeated the cat. " Look at this sack for example.

You could cut holes in the side and make a lovely jerkin.

You could collect turnips in it.

You could use it as a curtain.

You could sleep in it when it gets cold.

You could wait till the next village fete and have races in it!

A sack could be a be a wonderful thing.

And look at this top quality string!

Isn’t it long?

Isn’t it wiggly?

Isn’t it interesting?

And not only interesting but useful!

You can pull things with string.

You can make things out of string.

You could tie a small piece to the end of a turnip and pretend

it was a mouse!

You could fix a bent pin on the end and catch fish with it.

Think of it Jack! Think of the possibilities of all this free

string.

"And finally, and most importantly " continued the cat proudly, "You’ve got ME!

The last word in pussy cats!

I’m sleek, I’m clean.

I’m fast, furry and fearless.

I’ve got nine lives,

Sharp claws,

No commitments,

I’m ready to go anywhere.

I’m the cat with added attitude!

A cat,

A sack,

And a ball of string, how can you possibly go wrong?"

"I don’t know", grumbled the miller’s son, but I probably will. I usually do!"

"Nonsense!" said the cat, springing onto his lap.

"That’s all in the past! History!"

The cat turned round and round a few times, looking for a suitably warm spot before settling down.

"You see," he purred, " I’ve been scratching my head a bit and I’ve come up with rather a clever plan."

The miller’s son grunted suspiciously.

"Trust me." continued the cat, "And one day you will be so rich, princesses will fall at your feet."

At this, Jack exploded with laughter.

"Come off it puss! Have you looked at my feet lately?

Have you smelt them?"

It was true that Jack’s feet were definitely not things of beauty.

His shoes leaked.

He had been wearing the same pair of socks for at least three months and his feet hadn’t been the wrong side of a bar of soap since Christmas!

The cat sniffed impatiently.

"Jack! You’re being negative again!

Remember smelly feet are not a problem, they’re an opportunity for washing!"

(At this the puss couldn’t resist licking his own paws and cleaning behind his ears.)

"Umm that feels much better. Now where was I..?"

"Princesses falling at my feet...?" suggested Jack.

"Ah Yes! Problems solved. Untold riches. The princesses etc.

But before we get to that young Jack, I’m afraid you have to do a little something for me."

"Oh yes!" snorted Jack. "I knew it. There’s always a catch isn’t there?

What do I have to do then?

Stick my head in a dung heap for three weeks?

Climb down a bottomless pit with both hands tied behind my back?

Eat a pail of slugs maybe?

Kiss a bunch of stinging nettles?"

"Relax!" said the cat.

"All I want you to do is buy me a nice pair of boots!"

"Boots?" repeated the surprised Jack.

"Leather boots. Straps. Gold buckles. Flat heels. Maybe blue... Maybe pink. I haven’t made up my mind yet.

Get me the boots and your troubles are over."

"Really?"

"Really."

Well the cat was so convincing that Jack decided to give the plan a try.

After all things couldn’t get worse, could they?

The very next morning, the miller’s son and his trusty cat got a lift into town. It was market day. There were crowds of people selling everything from potatoes to piglets. Jack and puss wandered around.

They found turnips.

They found sandals.

They found clogs.

They found spiky things for getting stones out of horses’ hooves.

They found more turnips.

But when they asked for boots, the stall holders all shook their heads and explained how it was the wrong time of year for boots.

‘They could order them maybe...?

And it would take at least a month!

On the other hand there was a special offer on turnips this week..?’

Puss and his master were really disappointed.

They sat down outside a busy inn and shared a glass of turnip beer. It looked as if Puss’s brilliant plan wasn’t going to work after all.

"Typical" mumbled the miller’s son. "Absolutely blooming ...".

"Wait a minute!" interrupted the excited cat. "Do you see what I see!"

The miller’s son looked up to where the cat was pointing.

Sure enough, down a narrow alley-way, there was a dingy sign hanging outside a shop. It was in the shape of an enormous wooden boot!"

" I bet they’re closed for lunch," muttered Jack

"I bet they haven’t got your size."

"I bet they’re just...YEOOW! What did you do that for!"

Casually, Puss removed his sharp claws from Jack’s lap.

"Just a little reminder," he smiled. "Positive Thinking!"

The cat and his master gulped down their drink and walked along to the shop.

They looked in the window.

There were golden slippers. There were purple satin shoes.

And right in the middle was a handsome pair of beautiful leather boots!

They were even the right size!

Puss was in heaven. He couldn’t stop purring.

In fact he sounded so happy, that the miller’s son decided to throw caution to the winds and spent his last few coins on a matching cloak!

As they walked home in the sunshine, the grateful cat told his master about his cunning plan...

"It’s bold," admitted Jack, "It’s clever. But it won’t work for me. Something will go wrong. As sure as eggs is ...YEOW!." Jack glared at the cat. Smiling sweetly at her master, Puss carefully withdrew her sharp claws from his leg!

"Think positive! Think positive!" chanted Jack!

As soon as they got back to the mill, Puss strolled into the garden and helped himself to some nice juicy lettuce leaves. Meanwhile his master went into the mill and begged a handful of bran from brother number one.

The lettuce and the bran were put into the sack and then Puss hurried down the road, until he came to a small field that was positively bobbing with rabbits. The cunning cat walked into the middle, laid the sack on the ground and then curled up beside it, pretending to be asleep.

Well, before very long, two fat rabbits hopped up to investigate.

They looked at the juicy lettuce leaves. They sniffed the fresh bran.

They wrinkled their noses.

They circled the sleeping cat.

They scuttled away.

They looked at the lettuce again.

They hopped back.

They sniffed again.

And then they both hopped inside.

Quick as a flash! Puss pulled the string and caught them in his trap!

But instead of taking his catch back to Jack for his supper, Puss slung the bag over his shoulder and marched off in the opposite direction!

After many miles Puss arrived outside the gates of a large palace. There was a noisy crowd of people queuing up to be admitted.

But when they caught sight of the approaching cat they were so amazed they fell silent and let him pass to the front of the queue. The captain of the guard was equally astonished. He stared at the cat and his beautiful boots and when the cat demanded to see the king, he waved him through the door

Puss hurried along the golden corridors until he reached the throne room. He knocked on the door and walked boldly inside.

"Your Royal Majesty!" began the cat," I bring you humble greetings from my master, the Marquis of Carrabas. He begs you to accept this small token of his loyalty and appreciation."

And so saying, the elegant Puss bowed low and handed over the two plump rabbits.

The king accepted the gift with a puzzled frown.

In all his royal days he’d never seen a cat in a cloak before!

And he’d never seen a cat with boots!

And he was almost certain he’d never heard of the Marquis of Carrabas!

However, being a polite king and what’s more, extremely fond of rabbit stew, he told the cat to thank his master the Marquis for his kind gift. Puss bowed to the king and then quickly made his way outside to the palace gates.

Meanwhile...

Back home, Jack was living in a dark, damp, miserable shed. He wasn’t feeling a bit like a Marquis. He was cold, his clothes were all falling off his back and he was extremely hungry. So when Puss started to describe the plumpness of the rabbits he had just delivered to the king, the miller’s son could only hold his stomach and groan.

Well a few weeks later, Puss decided it was time to put part two of his plan into operation. Once more he gathered up his trusty sack and the piece of string. Once more his master begged a handful of corn from his elder brother.

Then Puss shouldered the sack and walked off down the road till he came to a field that was very popular with partridges...

As before, he went into the middle of the field, propped the sack open with a stick and curled up on the ground pretending to fall asleep.

Before very long two enormously fat birds waddled over to investigate.

They looked at the corn inside.

They looked at each other.

They looked at the sleeping cat.

They waddled a bit closer.

They looked again.

They hesitated on the edge.

Then they both marched right in and started to feed.

Straightaway Puss pulled the string and the two fat birds were trapped!

Once again, in spite of his master’s rumbling belly, Puss hoisted his prize over his shoulder and hurried off to see the king. This time the captain of the guard recognised the talking cat and immediately opened the palace doors and welcomed him in.

Puss marched along to the throne room and when he was admitted, bowed low.

"My Lord the Marquis of Carrabas again salutes your majesty, and would consider it an honour if you would accept this unworthy gift."

Once again the king was rather taken aback.

He still didn’t think he had ever heard of this mysterious Marquis. But at that moment the king’s beautiful daughter rushed in. She had heard all about the talking cat from the captain of the guard. She was very keen to see him with her own, rather lovely, blue eyes.

The princess was impressed.

She loved the boots.

Adored the cloak.

And as for the hat!

She was also very very keen on partridge pie.

So the grateful king once again accepted Puss’ gift and told the cat to thank the Marquis for his kindness.

Puss bowed elegantly to the Royal couple and then hurried back along the road to his master’s dingy hovel.

So far, everything was going according to plan.

Over the next few weeks the miller’s son hardly saw his cat; Puss was so busy with his sack and his string.

The palace larder had never been so well stocked.

It was positively groaning with the mysterious Marquis’s gifts. The royal family were mystified but impressed.

Especially the beautiful silken haired princess.

She was dying to meet the Marquis.

In fact every time she heard the front door opening she rushed out squealing with excitement in case it was the noble lord himself!

Of course it never was.

Well one morning, just as Puss had delivered a spectacularly large fish to the king, he happened to overhear the captain of the royal guard, talking to the royal coachman. They were discussing a trip the king and his daughter were planning the very next day. Puss pricked up his ears with interest.

Then he washed his paws.

Then he had a jolly good scratch.

Then he hurried back to his master to tell him the next stage of his brilliant plan.

At first Jack was not very enthusiastic.

He could think of all sorts of reasons why the plan wouldn’t work. But he was soon persuaded to change his mind.

("YEEOWW!")

So very early the next morning, Puss woke Jack up and they hurried down the road towards the royal palace, until they came to the river.

"Now", said the cat, "This is your big moment. Into the water!

Leave the rest to me."

Now Jack wasn’t a great fan of water. Especially the cold kind! But on the other hand he was really fed up with being poor and having nothing to eat except turnips. He took off his clothes and stood shivering on the bank for several minutes trying to make up his mind.

Then Puss gave him a helping paw!

As soon as Jack was safely in the water, Puss gathered up his master’s filthy clothes and hid them under a nearby bush.

Just at that moment the cat heard the sound of the royal procession.

He ran up to the road frantically waving his paws and shouting:

"Help! Help! My Lord the Marquis of Carrabas is drowning! Help!

Help! "

When the king heard the cat’s cries he reined his horse to a halt.

Puss rushed up and explained that the Marquis had been attacked by robbers. Then they had stolen all his clothes and thrown him into the river! At once the king ordered his royal guard to rescue the unfortunate Marquis. In a few minutes the bedraggled Jack was being dragged up the river bank.

Inside the royal coach the princess was bouncing up and down with excitement!

 At last she was going to set eyes on the famous Marquis! Meanwhile the king ordered the captain of the guard to lend the Marquis his cloak and then ride back to the palace to fetch something more suitable. While they were waiting for the captain’s return, Puss led his master up to meet the king.

This was going to be the tricky bit!

The whole plan could be ruined in a single minute.

All those months of hard work.

All those rabbits and fish!

All the boot leather he must have worn out, tramping up and down the palace road...

But if the cat was worried, Jack was TERRIFIED!

His knees were banging together with fright.

"It’s not going to work!" he muttered. "I can’t do it..I can’t do...YEOW!

I can do it! I can do it!"

"THINK POSITIVE!" hissed the Puss as he nudged Jack towards the king.

"Your Majesty! May I present my master, the Lord, Marquis of Carrabas!"

The king stretched out his hand.

The miller’s son looked blank.

"What do I do now?" he muttered.

"Kiss it!" hissed the cat.

"What!"

"Kiss his royal hand!"

The trembling Marquis bent forward, took hold of the king’s hand and kissed it.

Then he stood up. Unfortunately, he forget to let go! Puss groaned with embarrassment. Luckily at that moment, the princess, who had been fizzing with excitement all this time, decided she could bear it no longer and tumbled out of the royal coach.

"Marquis!" she shrieked

The startled Marquis dropped the king’s hand as if it had been a red hot turnip!

Meanwhile the captain of the guard galloped to a halt in front of Jack and presented him with a suit of beautiful new clothes. Much relieved, Jack took the parcel and hurried away. When he returned a few moments later, he looked completely different. Even the cat had to look twice. As for the princess! She had never, in all her royal born days, seen anyone, quite so ruggedly handsome. So when her father suggested they might offer the Marquis a ride in the royal coach, the princess could hardly contain her pleasure.

‘So far, so good!’ thought Puss, as he watched his master climb inside. Then the calculating cat dashed on ahead to complete the next part of his plan.

Before long he came across a line of peasants cutting wheat in a field. "The king is coming!" shouted the cat. "If he asks who owns this field, tell him it belongs to the lord Marquis of Carrabas."

"Why should we do that?" grumbled one of the peasants.

"Because if you don’t!", snarled the furious cat, "You will be torn up into tiny little pieces and turned into fish food!"

And with that he disappeared down the road.

A few moments later the royal procession rode into view.

The king trotted over to the line of peasants and called out

"Who owns this field?"

"Um... My lord Marquis of Carrabas" answered the terrified peasants.

"A fine piece of land you’ve got here, my lord Marquis." said the King.

"Thank you your majesty," replied Jack modestly. "I’m glad you think so."

In the meantime the speeding cat had come across some more peasants, loading great bundles of hay onto carts.

Again the cat called out - "The king is coming! The king is coming! When he stops, you are to tell him that this field belongs to the Marquis of Carrabas!"

"Why should we do that?" demanded the haymakers

"Because," snarled Puss," If you don’t, you get chopped into bite size chunks, mixed up with marrow bone jelly and fed to the royal dogs!"

As before the royal party rode into view.

As before the king asked " Whose hay is this?"

The haymakers called out- " It belongs to the Marquis of Carrabas."

"My word!" gasped the king, I had no idea you owned this land too!"

"Oh yes! your majesty" replied the smiling Marquis, "This is all part of the estate."

The king rode on. He was beginning to think very highly of this Marquis and so was the princess. In fact she had already fallen deeply in love.

Meanwhile Puss had disappeared off down the road to complete the final, but most dangerous, part of his plan. After several miles he arrived at a magnificent castle. The walls were made out of fine white marble. The roofs were of shining gold. Now this castle was the home of the same greedy Ogre, who had robbed Jack’s father.

Puss strutted boldly up to the castle entrance and banged on the outer doors until he heard a terrible roaring from within.

There was a clanking of chains and a rattling of keys and then with a loud groan, the mighty doors were flung open and there stood the enormous Ogre.

"Well ? " he roared.

" Greetings your Beastliness!" cried the cunning cat. "I have come to pay my respects to your Horridship!"

Puss gave a low elegant bow and then continued-

"I have been told that your Nastyness is possessed of incredible magic powers."

The Ogre nodded his huge hairy head.

"True!"

" And is it also true that your Unpleasantness is so talented, that he can change his shape into any living creature?"

The Ogre grinned "Watch this!"

And so saying the Ogre changed himself into a huge snapping crocodile.

Puss was both surprised and a little frightened.

"What do you think of that!" demanded the smirking Ogre,

"Very impressive your Bulginess!" But I wonder whether you could do something with wings?

The Ogre sneered.

"Eat my feathers pussy cat!"

And in a wink the Ogre changed into a huge eagle with great sharp talons and chased poor Puss round and round the room.

The cruel monster waited until the exhausted cat had collapsed in a corner, before changing back.

"Brilliant!" gasped Puss. "Can you do fish?"

The Ogre grinned and was just about to change, when he remembered why it wasn’t such a good idea!"

"No little cat!" he roared " I don’t do fish! I don’t like fish. They’re too slippery and flappy and taily!

But I do lions!"

And with a terrifying roar the Ogre changed into a huge fearsome lion!

Puss was so startled that he leapt through the nearest window and landed on the roof.

"Help! Help!" screamed the terrified cat as he started sliding down. The poor cat was beginning to have serious doubts about his brilliant plan!

But luckily, in the nick of time, the grinning Ogre decided he had had enough fun and changed back.

"Not bad!" spluttered Puss as he crawled back inside.

Not bad at all! but..?"

"BUT?" roared the Ogre.

Well, I was going to say, I don’t suppose your Ghastliness could do something as difficult as...?

"ANYTHING! I can do ANYTHING!" boasted the monster"

"What about a mouse?" suggested Puss innocently.

With a triumphant snarl the Ogre changed himself into a small grey mouse!

And with one bound the clever cat pounced and gobbled him all up! Tail! Whiskers! And everything!

A few minutes later, Puss heard the sound of approaching horses.

He ran to the window.

There was no time to lose.

The royal procession was on its way!

Quickly he washed his whiskers and had a good scratch behind his ears. Then he hurried down to the castle entrance pushed open the massive doors and as the king rode into view, he called out:

"Welcome your majesties, to the castle of the Marquis of Carrabas!"

The royal party dismounted and gazed in wonder at the beautiful white walls, the slender towers and the glittering golden roofs.

"And does this castle also belong to you?" asked the astonished king.

"Why yes your majesty!" replied the Marquis carelessly. "Perhaps, your majesty would honour me by paying a visit?"

The king agreed willingly.

The Marquis offered his hand to the beautiful princess and led the way inside.

The royal pair admired the Ogre’s enormous rooms and the deep carpets and the velvet curtains and the richly carved furniture. But they were even more astounded when the clever cat led them into the Ogre’s banqueting rooms; for there in front of them, lay a vast table all set out for a magnificent feast! There were barrels of wine, mountains of meat, oceans of jelly and enough cake to feed a starving army. The Ogre had been planning a little lunchtime snack for some of his more unpleasant friends. Of course as soon as they got to hear that the king was inside and the Ogre had been killed, they all lost their appetites and stayed away!

Meanwhile the Marquis invited the royal party to join him at the table and they all sat down and made merry.

The King joked with the cat.

The princess winked and waved at the Marquis.

The Marquis just blushed.

He didn’t really know what to do or say.

So after a spot of nudging and prompting from Puss,

("YEEOW!!")

The Marquis asked the princess if she’d like to come up and look at his battlements.

The princess was thrilled.

And when they reached the top of the castle and Jack fell on his knees and asked her to marry him, she was so excited she jumped in the air with joy.

"Oh Yes!" she shouted "I will! I will!"

The king was delighted with the engagement.

"After all", he chuckled "I’m not losing a daughter, I’m gaining a castle."

Three weeks later, the happy couple were married in a magnificent ceremony at the royal palace.

Everyone was there, including Jack’s astonished brothers.

Needless to say, Puss was Best Man, (or rather Best Cat!)

After the feasting was over, the newlyweds climbed into a golden coach pulled by four white horses and were driven away to their new home, where I’m sure they lived happily ever after!

And as for Puss

Well, he decided he’d risked enough of his nine lives so he stayed behind to keep the king company.

He had his own velvet cushion by the side of the throne.

He had all the royal fish he could eat,

All the full-fat cream he could drink,

And of course

More pairs of beautiful, shiny boots

Than you have ever seen,

In your whole life!